Thoughts from a broken mind
I have been in and out of mental health system since I was very young, I can’t remember what age but somewhere around 12~14 years old.
But this is what it all breaks down for me.
1) I hear voices in my head almost every waking moment. And they have been there since I can remember.
2) The paranoia – That started about 15ish
Update (5.18.13), I have gotten this under control by using coping skills and just pushing on. I do a lot of self checking. I think pushing myself into uncomfortable areas and making myself deal with the uncomfortableness of it has helped many area of my mental illness.
3) The hallucinations – since about 20ish expect for a cat that I named fred that no one else could see but me that started early but I can’t recall when.
4) My trust issues – have been building since I was really youth.
5) Depression / bi-polar – since I can remember.
6) My not wanting to be touched by people – due to the crawling feeling i get.
- cough/ in my teens
- can’t say words right all/ my life when stressed
- cracking my left jaw joint/ 2011 & 201
8) Self-harm (SH)
Update (5.18.13), I have not SH in over two years. I believe this to be beaten and claimed as a victory.
I have been hurting myself since I can remember, I know I started by hitting my head against the wall over and over again. After my “mother” left I started cutting myself with well anything sharp. And about 20ish I add burning to the mix. I also include eating into this category.
People ask me why and I say that it is not an easy answer. There are many answers to that question:
I would say its about 50/50 my condition brought on by a trauma I endured in my life vs. stuff I was born with because my mothers drug and alcohol problems. To read my (still updating) story Click here.More Info on: Schizoaffective Disorder A great video I found on YouTube